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Relationship needs time

Talks are finished way to early – due to false assumptions






Most of us deny themselves enjoyable interesting moments in finishing talks with new acquaintances like seat neighbors in the plane, at the conference or at a party much too early. Why do we do so? Because we tend to believe that such conversations will turn dull and boring after a couple of minutes, even if they have started charming and inspiring. These are the conclusions of a newly published study by US business schools Booth, Berkeley and Kellogg. In 5 laboratory experiments including almost 1.000 participants the surfacing message was clear: we should overcome our negative predictions and invest in these types of talks half an hour in any case where a bit of time is available.

Kardas/Schroeder/O´Brien: “Keep Talking: (Mis)Understanding the Hedonic Trajectory of Conversation”, in: Journal of Personality and Social Psychology: Interpersonal Relations and Group Processes”, 2022, vol. 123, Nr. 4, pg. 717-740.


From the practice:

Relationship is not to be built, let alone estabilshed within a few minutes. Period. A few minutes can be effectively used for launching a rhetorical appetizer or for dropping substantial key messages. To be memorized by a person whom you have not met before more time is needed, though. Only then you may reach a depth within the conversation which enables both interlocutors to get to know each other and to build up emotional connections.

Ok, some of you might respond now, but why should I do this? Because particularly these unexpected talks may enrich and inspire our daily routine, regardless whether you stay in touch afterwards or not. In times where so many people are confronted with so many challenges and lack so often positive news, I do believe in these talks as a good emotional strategy.

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