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Professionally or privately: If you have good intentions towards your interlocutor, if you are highly attentive and if you show understanding for his/her position = if you are a high-quality listener, then you may bridge the gaps in case of differences and conflicts. Even more: by high-quality listening you are securing your relationship to the person on the other side better than if you are just moderately listening to a case you agree with.

Why? Because the other one not only feels highly appreciated, but also encouraged to give up defensive stances and stay in touch with you – this is according to a recently published Israelian scientific paper.

By that those who don´t want (at least not at once) to abandon their respective opinion but don´t want to jeopardize personal relations either do receive an adequate tool.

Saluk/Itzchakov/Weinstein/Amar, “Listening Across the Divide: High-Quality Listening Promotes Speaker´s State Well-Being Through Basic Psychological Need Satisfaction During Disagreements”, in: Journal of Personality and Social Psychology: Interpersonal Relations and Group Processes, https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000525

From the practise:

Since Carl Rogers shaped more than 50 years ago the term “Active Listening”, we know that there is more than only good, tough arguments to accomplish satisfying outcomes in any conversation. The new paper goes beyond that, though: “High-Quality Listening” emphasizes to start any dialogue from the very beginning constructively and to strengthen intentionally self esteem, openness and competence of one´s interlocutor.

And I consider it beautiful that this strategy is not only better in deescalating but also more valuable for relationships than any lukewarm agreement which occurs without big interest and attention

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The higher the competence of consultants/counsellors/coaches towards the client the more directive advising, even if more undemocratic, is accepted. The more expertise between interlocutors is similar the more clients perceive directive advising as authoritarian and invasive – since clients then prefer to have a say than just to listen.

That´s how a current US-American paper clarifies recent research results which have been often contradictory by considering both directive and participative advising as the only reliable approach respectively.

The scientists emphasize that inviting someone to have a say always fits. It is for sure not always the most efficient but always the less risky variant when it comes to acceptance.

Deng/Lam/Li/Guan/Wang/Johnson, “When Do People Prefer to Be Asked or Told? The Interplay Betweend Participative/Directovie Advising Style and Expertise Superiority in Recommendation Acceptance”, in: Journal of Applied Psychology, 2026, vol. 111, No. 6, 714-728.

From the practise:

For me excellent advising uses both approaches intentionally – regardless if there is actually or presumably a big gap in expertise. Why? Because even if there is unequivocally superiority in expertise on one side of the table, the phone or the monitor the other one does feel emotionally better heard if asked and involved from time to time.

In parallel the very same people are quickly fed up in case consultants and counsellors are not able to phrase precisely and crunchy what´s up and what´s to do next, though.

Moving back and forth between both styles is due to my experience crucial for advising professionally and successfully. And also for coaching. Since in this field the widespread approach “only” to reflect and to play back the balls prolongues processes frequently more than it benefits the client. So if the core competence (whatever this may be, mine is effective communication) of the coach is far beyond that one of the client and a question pops up where a technical response is possible and needed, then I consider it negligent not to advise directly just for the sake of participation.

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For all bosses – male and female alike: Do what you can to not make expectations of your staff burst with a big bang. Since this may be pretty costly for any organisation. A current US-American study was able to present this regarding the topic “Justice at the working place”.

There they say: If your teams expect a certain level of fairness and this level is not going to be executed on the job frequently then this discrepancy produces uncertainty, annoynace adn less engagement.

Surprising: this discrepancy irritates also in the opposite case. If employees expect only low fairness and the superior executes suddenly special, never heard or seen justice unvertainty and negative feelings do also pop up. Predictability is key and this develops by congruency between expectations and experiences.-

The researchers recommend, to communicate norms for fairness proactively, to moniro deviations and reflect via feedback continuously.

Cole/Dimotakis/Bernerth, “Expected and Experienced Daily Justice, Emotions and Counterproductive Work Behavior”, in: Journal of Applied Psychology, 2026, vol. 111, no. 5, 565-585.

From the practise:

This study confirms my observations for years:

1. Doing alone is not sufficient. You have to describe, explain and relate your doing to the economic success of your organisation. Employees have better things to do than to watch activities of their superiors all over the time and to translate them into senseful measurements. 2. Let it be your goal to create cultural standards for all. This will, can and shall provide your team members orientation and invites them to adapt their own individual expectations concerning “Justice at the working place”. 3. Take care of these norms then (just think how overloaded so many contributions as “Our philosophy” or “Our Credo”, etc. are) and don´t accept that they are walked over – neither by you yourself nor by your staff, though. Otherwise you may expect that mission statements like this are not taken seriously and you are not being respected any more.

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You are wrong if you think the usage of cell phones in meetings will not only remain undiscovered, but also will not disturb anyone at the table. Sending messages, silently watching videos, scrolling through media news or playing games are stressing relationships and impeding good meeting outcomes. Two reasons why: 1. Behavior which is not supporting a meeting´s goals are perceived as a lack of interest for the group and the meeting per se. 2. In contrast to lateness which may be due to external causes the usage of cell phones that is disconnected from the meeting´s intentions is considered as a deliberate act. Let alone the facts that people arriving too late produce only shortly a disturbance after wich they may contribute still efficiently and constructly till the end of the meeting.

Tells a newly published US-American study and maintains that short apologizes when being asked to put away the cellphones are meaningless. Bad impressions and slander are guaranteed then yet.

Pasketwitz/Wilson/Luttman/Devereux/Beck, “Comparing Counterproductive Meeting Behaviors: When Trying to be Subtle, Backfires”, in: Business and Professional Communication Quarterly”, first published online on February, 13th, 2026, https://doi.org/10.1177/23294906251413692

From the practice:

Hands off of cell phones in meeting – that´s good since it surely leads to more attentiveness and concentration of all participants. According to my experience, though, bad meetings are associated with chairs whose performance is beyond average. These chairs are not well prepared, too loose when leading and structuring of the contributions would be key, too hesitant in activating people around the table and too relaxed when tough time management would be crucial.

In such cases it is still extremely impolite to hide behind one´s cell phone and let the meeting rush past, but it is partially understandable at least. Efficiently chairing a meeting may be learnt and trained easily. Meetings may be fun even – if things are moving forward.

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Till 15 and more significantly after 45 women are outperforming guys when it comes to verbald fluency. Between 15 and 45 both genders are pretty similar, though.

From 30 on education is an additional factor für higher verbal fluency – men could take use of that if they keep learning. They reach their top at the age of 39 and decline afterwards stronger than women who reach their peak at 43 and keep their pole position until their high age.

Test yourself in one minute or compete with someone in your proximity: each of has got one minute to name words of the same category like animals, fruits or objects, and secondly there is another minute where the two of you should collect as much words as possible starting with the same initial. Please compare: Females accomplish 36 words with the categories (median result), males only 33, where the same initials are sought of females reach 22 and males only 19 (median result).

Konstantipoulos/Martzoukou/Vogaziaos/Messinis/Nousia/Binos/Naxios, “Verbal Fluency Development Across the Lifespan: The Effects of Age, Gender and Education”, in: Neuropsychology, vol. 40, No.2, 191-200, 2026.

From the practice:

A big verby fluency helps when you want to be precise and to the point. And yes: who is a constand reade or learner keeps better going. Who of you is not remembering language classes at school where repetition of words within two subsequent sentences are prohibited?

Frequently though managers, functionaries or scientists simply don´t prepare properly before going on stage. Well, never that´ll be perfect. But one thing is close to my heart: please don´t call projects, presentations or discussions “exciting” all the time. 1. Only a minority of things who are claimed to be “exciting” actually are. 2. The more you use “exciting” for everything you want to promote the less the audience is believing you. On the contrary: You are losing credibility. 3. The net shows 143 Synonyms: https://www.merriam-webster.com/thesaurus/exciting. Please choose!

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Nicht Sorgenfalten, Kummer oder Angstschweiß sind es, die bei älteren Menschen das Bedürfnis nach Beratung und guten Entscheidungen triggern. Im Gegenteil: Es ist die gute Laune, die die Generation 60+ motiviert, auf einsame Entscheidungen zu verzichten. Oder anders gesagt: Je deprimierter wir im fortgeschrittenen Alter sind, desto weniger suchen und akzeptieren wir Rat von anderen.

Das sind die recht überraschenden Ergebnisse einer aktuellen Studie aus Sydney/Australien, die der Frage, inwieweit Entscheidungen von verschiedenen Altersgruppen unterschiedlich getroffen werden, nachgegangen ist. Fazit: weniger als man hätte erwarten können, zB.: Alle Altersgruppen, und eben nicht nur Jüngere, vertrauen BeraterInnen von Familie oder dem Freundeskreis. Denn um zu zufriedenstellenden nachhaltigen Entscheidungen zu kommen, scheint Expertise von RatgeberInnen am Ende des Tages auch für Menschen vor oder nach der Pension wichtiger zu sein als soziale Beziehungen.

Leon/Weidemann/Kneebone/Bailey, “Age, Affect and Social Closeness: An Experience Sampling Study of Advice-Taking Across the Adult LIfespan” in: Emotion”, 2026, vo. 26, No. 1, 195 – 205.

Aus der Praxis:

Wie interessant! Obwohl also gerade ältere Menschen auf jahrzehntelange vertrauensvolle Beziehungen zurückgreifen können, wenden auch sie sich im Zweifel an ExpertInnen, wenn sie vor substantiellen Entscheidungen stehen. Wie schön!

Meiner Meinung nach können wir das wie folgt interpretieren: 1. Auch im fortgeschrittenen Alter haben rationale Argumente Bedeutung = “nur” das geliebte Enkerl zu sein, überzeugt sichtlich nicht ausreichend, um automatisch als Omas und Opas RatgeberIn zu fungieren. 2. Es zahlt sich aus, die Generation 60+ in gute Stimmung zu bringen, wenn sie vor wichtigen Entscheidungen stehen – jedenfalls ist es eine viel bessere Strategie, als ihnen den Teufel an die Wand zu malen, damit sie sich endlich beraten lassen. 3. Wir als BeraterInnen und Coaches können auch jenseits der Baby Boomers und Millennials noch KlientInnen gewinnen.

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In Scandinavia, Benelux and German speaking countries like Austria news covering scientific outcomes get to the people primarily via news media like print, radio, TV and the homepages of the respective publishing houses or channels. Still, with this situation we are a minority if you compare it globally: anywhere else, though, scientific topics are being communicated first and foremost via Social Media. It happens particularly in countries where traditional media are too pricy, where there is no supply of quality media and where the national level of education is low. By the way: the lower the level of education the more users talk, discuss and share scientific content. Social Media with all their shortcomings like simplifications or fake news therefore do have an extraordinary impact how people are dealing with science as such. That´s what a huge study that was carried out with over 70.000 participants in 68 countries on all continents.

The researchers recommend for countries like Austria among others: to support Science Journalism better and to emphasize Science Comm in Social Media.

Mede/Cologna/TISP Consortium, “Public Communication about Science in 68 Countries: Global Evidence on How People Encounter and Engage With Information about Science”, in: Science Communication, , First published Oct. 24th, 2025, https://doi.org/10.1177/10755470251376615

From the practice:

For me this is crystal-clear: People do show interest in science – regardless whether they live in poor or rich countries, whether they enjoy more or less education, whether they have access to the world wide web or whether they earn their living in democracies or autocracies.

That´s fine and actually a good opportunity in my opinion. What´s now “only” crucial is to process scientific results in form and content for lay people (short, correct, consequent and benefit-oriented) and to utilize particularly social media beside traditional news media.

Scientists could be more ambitious in learning how to speak effectively into a camera, how to present their outcomes as relevant for everyday life and how to oppose fake news and myths. There is still something to do.

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A check list with 27 questions as a supporting tool for the key question: Shall I retire and if yes am I well prepared? – that´s a new Pennsylvanian scientific paper´s output that was published recently. Divided into the 4 main factors when decisions concerning your withdrawal are to be made – readiness, introspection, advisors and control over free time – and based on interviews with a bunch of CEOs the researchers have developed a new tool for retirement candidates and executive coaches alike.

There you can find questions as “How satisfied are you with what you have accomplished?”, “Which image pops up when thinking about your future time with your family?” or “Which role does aging play when you are considering retirement?”

The scientists concede that each case is different from each other – of course – something is crystal-clear, though, for them after all: the professional withdrawal ought to be planned as well as the single steps of your career so far.

Wasylyshyn/Slater/Woo/Nissen, “An Exploration of Factors That Influence the Retirement Decision of CEOS”, in: Psychology of Leaders and Leadership, 2025, vol. 28nr. 2, 261-285.

From the practise:

And there is another excellent tool for you to identify if retirement should be done better earlier than later: the concept and training of your farewell speech.

There you not only have to mention your reasons for retiring, but you also will present your personal end results and provide ideas how you will spend your time in the future. I have recommended and used this tool amazingly often when working with managers, politicians or university professors. And it was always an eye opener and more efficient than a bunch of coaching sessions over several months!

Those who had troubles yet when developing the concept of the speech knew soon that they had to do a better preparation first or to stay in the round still for some time. By training the speech and by analysing the video afterwards at the very latest all cards were put on the table: Go or stay? If while doing the concept the mind and intellect were in control, was now unmistakenly brought up by my client´s body: the solar plexus, the posture, the voice, the eye contact, the mimics and the gestures.

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Having worked close to someone like Barack Obama, Steve Jobs, the Queen or Niki Lauda provides young superiors a big advantage: when proceeding in their career they do get better job opportunities and even with weak performances they aren´t likely to get fired due to their connection to a former star in the field.

This has a major disadvantage, though, too: regularly expectations are flying so high that any particular performance is seen as normal and is not appreciated and honored as it should be. Non-star-connected employees on the contrary do benefit from job-promotions in case of outstanding merits much more often.

These are the outcomes of a British study recently published. Altogether the reputation “being connected with xy” persists amazingly for 9 years.

Liu/Kilduff/Lee/Fisher, “Buffered by Reflected Glory? The Effects of Star Connections on Career Outcomes”, in: “Journal of Applied Psychology”, 2025, vol. 110, no. 11, 1490-1510.

From the practice:

There are always two sides of a coin: high expectation pressure may be stressful – regardless if it comes from your connection to a hero in his/her area, from a bunch of degrees by well known universities your CV is showing or if you have been compared with your ancient ones as the kid of super sucessfull and prominent parents your whole life. It´s not enough a relief that according to this study you would be protected longer than others if you are not performing.

Still – in my opinion – it pays off absolutely to learn from the best! But don´t emphasize these experiences permanently and live from them only – that´s not likeable. Take your star-connection as a ressource for outstanding performances in the future. And exhibit them to your current employer – self confident, but unpretentiously

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Strategies which are always successful we proceed with and those which are not we let go. But what is to be done when – as so often – a strategy for accomplishing a goal is average to say the best, meaning it is ok but has some substantial disadvantages, too?

Then we show persistence and perserverance. We change horses very late and may miss a lot of decisive opportunities. That´s at least the outcome of a new study by Princeton University where a research was examining how long it pays off to continue and continue and continue with the very same strategy.

Conclusion: The more alternatives exist the faster we should leave the mediocre strategy. And before determining a new path we should try particularly in the beginning of a task a couple of options.

Sukhov/Dubey/Duke/Griffiths, “When To Keep Trying and When to Let Go: Benchmarking Optimal Quitting”, in: Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, Vol 154(9), Sep 2025, 2599-2618

From the practise:

Why is letting go of sub-opimal ways so difficult? This questions concerns me for a long time already. The US-scientiests mention 3 theories for a plausible answer: 1. because we are so optimistic and believe till the very end everything would turn out good, 2. because we don´t want to lose time and efforts that we have put into the task yet and 3. because we are not aware of the potential (better) alternatives.

Let me add 2 more: 4. because we have got used to the weaknesses of our endeavours while a new strategy could turn to the even worse – at least theoretically and 5. because it appears to be more challenging – especially for leaders – to explain to employees, members and the electorate the “Letting go” of a current way instead of muddling on.

The post To let it go, but when exactly? appeared first on ImpactCoach.